The Infant Surveillance
by Amy227
Summary: Penny does her sister a favour by looking after her sister's children for two whole weeks. She gets the boys help but none of them have a clue about what to do...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone!**

**I've been working on this for a while but I think it seems a little rushed...also, I can't think of a better title so any suggestions would be appreciated! In case it isn't obvious, I'm English and since TBBT is American I've tried to change things like "Mum" into "Mom" and things but I've probably missed a few so I apologise. Also, I don't own TBBT but I did make up Jonathan and Julian.**

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><p>Penny was never god's gift to kids. She couldn't even remember why she'd agreed to look after her sister's children, they were both under 10 and she didn't have much contact with kids. She wasn't even sure where they were going to sleep… the only thing she could think of was to get the guys to help. She had to go to work as well and the guys were the only people she'd trust with two kids. Her other friends would probably get them drunk or something.<p>

So she went and knocked on their door with the two children and waited. A few moments later, Sheldon opened the door and looked expectantly at her.

"Yes, Penny?" he asked, oblivious to the infants.

"Could you look after these kids for a while? Just until I finish my shift, then I'll be right back." She said quickly.

"Kids? The last time I checked you didn't have any children…" Sheldon raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"They're my sister's. This one's called Jonathan," she waved her hand distinctively over the older child who looked around 5ish. "And this one is Julian." She nodded her head to the sleeping baby in her hand before putting it into Sheldon's arms who took it with no choice. "I've got to look after them for two weeks whilst she goes to Washington for her work or something… I'll be back later." She gave Jonathan a slight push into the apartment before muttering a 'thanks' and running down the stairs.

"But… Penny!" Sheldon shouted after digesting the information but she was already gone. Leonard emerged from his room and walked towards them, wiping his eyes because he'd only just got up. When they'd adjusted, he wiped his glasses and put them on again, confused.

"Oh no, Sheldon… where did you get those children from?" he sighed.

"They're Penny's." Sheldon shrugged.

"What?"

"Well, they aren't _Penny_'s, but they're Penny's sister's children. We have to look after them."

"Well… why can't Penny look after them?" Leonard asked.

"You really aren't with it today, are you…?" Sheldon muttered. "Penny works until 6pm on Thursdays. Honestly, Leonard. This one is called Jonathan and this one is called Julian. I have to work, I'll be back later." He continued, he put baby Julian into Leonard's arms and was about to leave before Leonard stopped him.

"Wait, Sheldon, I've got work too," he said.

"So? I do much more important things than researching subatomic particles. I give a relatively important contribution." replied Sheldon.

"Shut up, Sheldon. I'll take a day off work if you take a day off too."

Sheldon hesitated.

"Fine then, I'll work from home. I'll just have to call Gablehouser…" Sheldon sighed, finding his phone and walking into the other room to call his boss leaving Leonard standing awkwardly with the two boys.

"I'm Leonard." He said. Jonathan stared at him. "So… how old are you?"

"Four," Jonathan answered, timidly.

"Oh, I was four once." Leonard said, and then cringed when he realized how stupid it sounded. "I mean, obviously I was, I can't remember it that well though but… yeah, um, where's your mom then?"

"Washington."

"What's she doing in Washington?"

Jonathan shrugged. "Auntie Penny is looking after us. When's Auntie Penny going to be back?"

"Uh, well she's at work at the moment. She finishes around six I think. Do you watch TV?" Leonard asked, and soon enough he'd gotten Jonathan entertained with The Simpsons and baby Julian was still sleeping in his arms. He soon realized that he didn't come in a Moses basket or anything so he decided to put the sleeping baby in his bed, then returned to the front room and sat next to Jonathan.

"Where's your dad?" he asked.

"I don't have a dad." Jonathan shrugged again. "He had a different girlfriend and mommy got angry and broke up with him. He didn't want to see me and Julian."

There was another awkward silence and Leonard wondered what was taking Sheldon so long. He ended up watching a whole episode of The Simpsons before walking over to Sheldon's room and knocking on the door. There was no answer, so he opened it, but Sheldon wasn't in there.

He checked the bathroom and practically every other place but he couldn't find him anywhere.

"Hey," Leonard said, walking into the front room yet again. "Do you know where the tall guy went?"

"He went _ages _ago," Jonathan replied. "He ran out the door when you took Julian into the other room."

"What a…" he was about to swear but then realized that there was a kid in his company so he cut off abruptly. "Thanks, Jonathan. Do you want to go see a science lab? It'll be like a school trip but with me and Julian instead of the school…" Jonathan nodded, so Leonard went to retrieve Julian and strapped them both into his car, making a mental note to find some car seats for them.

Soon enough, they were at the University and Leonard quickly realized how shy Jonathan was. He walked very closely next to Leonard, almost hugging his leg, especially when people walked past. It was around lunchtime so Leonard wasn't surprised when he saw Sheldon, Howard and Raj sat at their usual table. He walked up to them, Jonathan in tow and Julian in his arms.

"Sheldon," he frowned, putting on his stern voice. "What in the name of god makes you think you can leave me like that?"

"I told you, Leonard. I give an important contribution to Science, you're better at parenting than I am anyway, because I don't see the point in it." Sheldon shrugged. Leonard's frown grew deeper.

"Sheldon," he repeated. "I'll do a deal with you. If you take care of one of the boys, I won't go into your room, empty my hamper of dirty laundry all over your bed and empty a bucket of paint all over your comic books. It's your choice." Sheldon looked extremely uncomfortable and started twitching. "Oh, come on, Sheldon! Julian's sleeping, if you're quiet then you shouldn't disturb him and you won't have to do much. Just make sure he doesn't get hungry, ok?" Leonard suggested. He put the sleeping baby into Sheldon's arms, ignoring Sheldon's protests. Sheldon accepted the baby and let Leonard show him how to hold it.

Shortly after, Sheldon excused himself back to the office. Raj, thinking that he couldn't miss such an opportunity to see Sheldon with a baby, followed him. When he'd caught up, Sheldon was stood helplessly in the office, the baby still sleeping.

"Er, what are you doing?" asked Raj.

"I don't know where to put the baby…" Sheldon replied, looking around the office as though expecting a crib to mysteriously appear. Raj sighed, took his jacket off and laid it on Sheldon's desk before taking the baby and gently placing him on it. He heard Sheldon mutter something about lumbar support but he decided to ignore him because he couldn't care less. Everything was fine for a few moments until Julian woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm really sorry to everybody who clicked the story alert button, I've just had my SATs that decide whether I do my GCSEs next year or the year after (which I probably failed in), so we've been given a lot of homework and revision to do, but it's all over now so I'll be able to update a lot sooner :) Special thanks to the people who reviewed by the way :D Also, this is a short chapter so I apologise but I'm going to make the next one a lot longer and better.**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>

"What are we supposed to do?" Sheldon panicked. He stared at the baby, looking horrified as it helplessly cried on the desk. Raj also looked a little scared.

"How the hell should I know?" replied Raj, rather rudely. "Do I look like I have any babies?"

"Well... maybe it's hungry..." continued Sheldon, beginning to hyperventilate. "Oh lord, how do you suspect we feed it? We haven't got any bottles, no milk, no breasts,"

"It either needs changing or that baby has one terrible smell..." said Raj, pinching his nose with his fingers when he caught the babies stench. This seemed to make Sheldon panic even more.

_"There's a baby on my desk that has soiled itself?"_

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><p>Jonathan seemed to be enjoying himself a lot more than Sheldon. Leonard had allowed him to get a chocolate bar from the vending machine and that alone seemed to entertain him. Leonard didn't really have any plans with a young boy in tow wasn't sure whether or not to pop home and get Sheldon's PSP, but then realised that if he touched anything of Sheldon's, he'd probably get a strike.<p>

"Hey, d'you want to see something cool?" Leonard asked Jonathan once in his office. Jonathan nodded and Leonard pulled out some mint Mentos from his pocket. "Have you seen the mento in diet coke trick?" Jonathan shook his head. "Here, I've got some diet coke," Leonard got his diet coke that he'd been carrying from the cafeteria and gave it to Jonathan. "Drop this mento into that can." He instructed, giving Jonathan the mento.

Jonathan had a face of genuine interest, which Leonard hadn't seen on anybody before whilst he was discussing experiments. The boy pulled himself up onto a stool and put the mento inside the diet coke before positioning himself on top of the can to get a good view of what would happen. However, he wasn't expecting a whole load of bubbles to burst into his face. Of course, Leonard was in hysterics.

Jonathan's fluffy, blonde hair was now dripping with coke. At first, Jonathan found it hilarious and was laughing but when it all died down and he got bored, he began feeling very cold and sticky. It wasn't long before he was in tears.

"Oh, Jonathan, I'm sorry... I didn't think you'd lean above it... umm... how about I tip a can of coke all over my head?" Leonard said, desperately. "It'll be funny... see?" he said, picking up the leftover of the diet coke from beforehand and tipping it upside down. Now he, too, was covered in coke. This seemed to cheer Jonathan up a bit.

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><p>"I'm going to have to buy a new desk now!" Sheldon exclaimed, slapping himself on the forehead for even thinking of putting a baby there in the first place. "Do you know how much bacteria meconium contains, Raj?"<p>

"Quite frankly, I couldn't care less about baby waste. Just calm down, man!"

"Calm down? Calm down? How do you expect I calm down when there's a risk of hepatitis, or adenoviridae or Enteroviruses, or..."

"Sheldon, for the love of God! It's baby poop, thousands of people change diapers every day! surely a guy with an IQ of 180 can figure it out!"

"Okay, firstly, those 'thousands of people' don't know the risks they're putting themselves into. Secondly, my IQ is 187, not 180. And thirdly, I don't need to 'figure it out', I just don't want to expose myself to the amount of bacteria..."

"Yeah, Sheldon, 'blah blah blah'." Raj imitated. "Whatever, it's just a diaper."

"If it's just a diaper, you change it." said Sheldon whilst shrugging stubbornly, crossing his arms and looking pointedly at Raj.

"No way, you're it's carer..."

"I'll be willing to pay for your Thai food every week for two months."

There was a sort silence.

"Fine...but just because I'm nice."

There was another silence of which both looked at the baby awkwardly. Raj looked hesitant but confident at the same time, and he circled around the desk, trying to find a way to pick up the baby. Sheldon stood in the corner, as far away from Julian as possible yet still close enough to make sure his desk didn't get messy at all.

"Um…how do you suppose I change it?" Raj asked, awkwardly.

"I don't know…should we wiki-how it?" suggested Sheldon.


End file.
